Little Changes

First and foremost, I have to make the announcement that Seth is back. Brian showed for the court hearing and Samantha has some access to her son. There will be another hearing in November. I'm doing my best to stay out of things, only offering my Mondays to her, as expected.

Adam has been thrilled to have his nephew back. It's encouraged Adam to change Mazzy's room to The Nursery/Kid's room. It's a slow process and I'm letting him be in charge of what is put away and what becomes something for Seth to use. I want Adam to have the easiest time with the changes as possible. The whole situation is charged, fraught with emotional landmines and fear. How much is too much? At what point does it feel like your putting your child away?

We still have my sister-in-law, Elizabeth, living here. She still doesn't have a job and I'm starting to be annoyed by that. She's home all day. That means, in case you were counting, that me, Mom and Elizabeth are with each other all day, every day. It's like being stuck in a Summer from Hell as a kid, you and your siblings so bored and tired of sharing space you want to scream.

I'm hoping that something changes, soon, so that the tension is scraped off the surface and I don't manage to build resentment because she lives here. I'm good at that. I don't always give fair warning, either. It just happens.

As for the whole baby-making thing, well, we're still trying. I went to visit Doc P yesterday. She told me that everything looks fine on my end, shelving the idea of drugs for a while, but she wants to run some tests on me and on Adam. I have to get an HSG, which is a bit like an x-ray for your girlie bits, all deep and unseen. It sounds like it will be painful and unpleasant. I'll brave it, though. We have to do all that we can to at least try to make a baby of our own.

Adam has to get his Man Tests - sperm and testosterone. He's not entirely happy about the idea of it, but he understands the purpose. I think that his ego was bruised, just a bit, at the mention of it being something that could be his fault. He was happy as a clam when they thought it was me, but now....not so much. He hasn't popped a single joke.

I have.

My brother and his family have officially backed out of moving down here. In fact, Jamen and his girlfriend have broken up. They are moving in to separate houses in Indiana. It has come across as the smartest thing the two of them have done in a long time.

This break has left an open spot in my brother's life, which he is filling with phone calls and texts to me as often as possible. I'm unsure of how to handle it, seeing as Jamen and I haven't been close since he was six years old. I listen and hope that I'm not overstepping my position. My whole focus is making sure that the two adults handle the breakup maturely so that the three kids end up with as few emotional scars as possible.

I suppose that's all the news for now. My birthday is in four days and it doesn't feel large and exciting. I want it to fly low under the radar. Expectations are always crushed and I have enough in my life that hasn't worked out. Giving up on birthday wishes should have happened a long time ago. I would have been a lot happier.