It's getting complicated
I know, I know, I said that I wouldn't be posting because I'm participating in Nation Novel Writing Month, but this weekend was very busy and I didn't write and now I'm so far behind there's no hope of catching up. Instead of stressing it, I'm just going to accept failure and finish at my own pace. November is a horrible month to do this sort of thing. There's just too much pre-holiday stuff going on for me to duck my head and ignore the world with any sort of regularity.
On a positive note, the whole concept of writing without editing is very freeing and I feel like, in the end, I'll have accomplished something by the end of the month. Go me.
Friday was the last time I had to see my mother. She stopped by to hug Nora and drop off a couple of things she wants me to take care of for her.
As she was leaving, sunglasses on her face to hide her tears, I tried to feel something. I dug around inside my heart and attempted to cry, but there was nothing there. I didn't dance a little jig, or anything, but I'll admit that I was tempted.
Mom talked about future visits and I sort of smiled and "hmm-ed" without commenting. Maybe in a year, or two, I'll feel brave enough to allow visits, but I didn't want to agree to anything now. It's just too new and raw and scary. My tender emotional flesh is still healing from the recent barbs. I want to protect myself, and Nora, from potential damage.
Saying goodbye to Mom truly marked the beginning of a new chapter in my marriage. Sure, having Mom move out was a huge start, but I can hear a knock on the door and not fear that it's my mom stopping by unannounced. I can keep all contact via the phone, where I have a better chance of controlling my temper and squashing anger that isn't going to solve anything.
I feel free. We no longer have a primary point of aggravation infecting our relationship.
It's amazingly beneficial timing, too. Between the time of year and the increasingly obvious fact that Nora resembles Mazzy, we were heading in to a Perfect Storm of Mom Drama that we are now able to avoid all together.
Yeah, so we finally admitted it to each other - Nora looks like Mazzy. And I'm suddenly unsure about my decision to use some of Mazzy's clothes for Nora to pad the wardrobe. I've had to make sure I wasn't accidentally hurting Adam with certain outfits.
Reba is coming on Wednesday for the first time since Nora was two weeks old and I have to make sure that Nora is wearing one of her new outfits to keep from upsetting her. The last time she saw Nora, in person, my kid looked like her. Nora is starting to look like me and the more me in her, the more she looks like Mazzy. Balls.
All of that aside, I wanted to also mention that Nora and I went to a friend's baby shower on Sunday and she was amazing. Nora is typically very shy, but she smiled and didn't cry one time, even when she started rooting, licking her lips, and trying to pull open my shirt and I had to tell her "no." We're having to work on the comfort sucking. She likes to nurse to sleep, even though she doesn't have to eat. She's old enough, now, that I'm not as quick to toss a boob in her mouth and she's adjusting to that. It's still on demand, but since I know that she's going to be weaned in a couple of months I want to try and find other ways of soothing her. We'll get her to soothe herself, eventually.
Speaking of my daughter, she's up and wanting love, so I'm going to give it to her.
On a positive note, the whole concept of writing without editing is very freeing and I feel like, in the end, I'll have accomplished something by the end of the month. Go me.
Friday was the last time I had to see my mother. She stopped by to hug Nora and drop off a couple of things she wants me to take care of for her.
As she was leaving, sunglasses on her face to hide her tears, I tried to feel something. I dug around inside my heart and attempted to cry, but there was nothing there. I didn't dance a little jig, or anything, but I'll admit that I was tempted.
Mom talked about future visits and I sort of smiled and "hmm-ed" without commenting. Maybe in a year, or two, I'll feel brave enough to allow visits, but I didn't want to agree to anything now. It's just too new and raw and scary. My tender emotional flesh is still healing from the recent barbs. I want to protect myself, and Nora, from potential damage.
Saying goodbye to Mom truly marked the beginning of a new chapter in my marriage. Sure, having Mom move out was a huge start, but I can hear a knock on the door and not fear that it's my mom stopping by unannounced. I can keep all contact via the phone, where I have a better chance of controlling my temper and squashing anger that isn't going to solve anything.
I feel free. We no longer have a primary point of aggravation infecting our relationship.
It's amazingly beneficial timing, too. Between the time of year and the increasingly obvious fact that Nora resembles Mazzy, we were heading in to a Perfect Storm of Mom Drama that we are now able to avoid all together.
Yeah, so we finally admitted it to each other - Nora looks like Mazzy. And I'm suddenly unsure about my decision to use some of Mazzy's clothes for Nora to pad the wardrobe. I've had to make sure I wasn't accidentally hurting Adam with certain outfits.
Reba is coming on Wednesday for the first time since Nora was two weeks old and I have to make sure that Nora is wearing one of her new outfits to keep from upsetting her. The last time she saw Nora, in person, my kid looked like her. Nora is starting to look like me and the more me in her, the more she looks like Mazzy. Balls.
All of that aside, I wanted to also mention that Nora and I went to a friend's baby shower on Sunday and she was amazing. Nora is typically very shy, but she smiled and didn't cry one time, even when she started rooting, licking her lips, and trying to pull open my shirt and I had to tell her "no." We're having to work on the comfort sucking. She likes to nurse to sleep, even though she doesn't have to eat. She's old enough, now, that I'm not as quick to toss a boob in her mouth and she's adjusting to that. It's still on demand, but since I know that she's going to be weaned in a couple of months I want to try and find other ways of soothing her. We'll get her to soothe herself, eventually.
Speaking of my daughter, she's up and wanting love, so I'm going to give it to her.
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