Almost.
I am almost a stay at home mom. Almost. I get one more week and then I become a working mom, but only after Adam gets home and on weekends. I am going to be a busy chicken.
I don’t know what to think, really. I was naïve enough to think that I would be able to stay home until Mazzy was in school, but life is expensive and things got away from us and now here we are….
Adam talked about letting the house go, briefly, but I would rather work. Our life is supposed to be here and I don’t want to lose that. If we can make this house work, I would be so pleased. If that means working, then so be it. At least I will get my days with her. That is important.
Sometimes I want to believe that this is all temporary and that ‘normal’ people don’t have these family dramas all of the time, but I know that it is stupid. I know that we aren’t any different from the rest of the world and wasting my energy on hoping that it will change is detrimental and, well, wasteful. My energy is precious and I should be using it in positive and productive ways to make the life that I have better.
I have always used change to make things better, temporarily, so that I can face the day-to-day blahs more cheerfully, but the way things are I can’t do that. There isn’t a temporary fix. There are no days away with friends. There are no trips to the mall or movies. I have this life. As it is. And that is all.
So, that is where I am. I am a mess, but the reality is that I am the most together person in my household. Fear me. Ha.
Right now I am going to relieve my husband so that he can take a cigarette break and I can love on the baby…..
I don’t know what to think, really. I was naïve enough to think that I would be able to stay home until Mazzy was in school, but life is expensive and things got away from us and now here we are….
Adam talked about letting the house go, briefly, but I would rather work. Our life is supposed to be here and I don’t want to lose that. If we can make this house work, I would be so pleased. If that means working, then so be it. At least I will get my days with her. That is important.
Sometimes I want to believe that this is all temporary and that ‘normal’ people don’t have these family dramas all of the time, but I know that it is stupid. I know that we aren’t any different from the rest of the world and wasting my energy on hoping that it will change is detrimental and, well, wasteful. My energy is precious and I should be using it in positive and productive ways to make the life that I have better.
I have always used change to make things better, temporarily, so that I can face the day-to-day blahs more cheerfully, but the way things are I can’t do that. There isn’t a temporary fix. There are no days away with friends. There are no trips to the mall or movies. I have this life. As it is. And that is all.
So, that is where I am. I am a mess, but the reality is that I am the most together person in my household. Fear me. Ha.
Right now I am going to relieve my husband so that he can take a cigarette break and I can love on the baby…..
Comments
he gets to smoke and you don't?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........
not that i'm here to encourage either of you to smoke.
Yeah, I know. Dumb.