Space and Fear
Christmas, as you can imagine, was quiet. We are too sad sometimes. We spent most of the day cleaning. Exciting, right? I know that I just didn’t know what to do with myself. Adam is worse off than me. I can sit in one place and read all day, but he gets twitchy. He goes back to work in a few days. I am grateful for that. He needs an outlet. And I need my space. We are starting to get on one another’s nerves. I am probably more short-tempered than he is, but that is normal for us. Adam has gotten fairly skilled at ignoring my barbs and mini-tantrums. I just hope that our bickering will ease off once life has structure, again.
My friend, Charlotte, and I have dared one another in to a mini-writing group. We have a week to get something done. This week we gave one another a prompt and we are supposed to be off and running with it. I am, honestly, scared. I haven’t spent much time on my creativity in a while and I was all pumped when we were talking about it, but now I am petrified. My intention is to warm up a bit and crank something out. Wish me luck.
Yesterday was good. Everything seems very double-edged. I was able to visit and talk with Charlotte on some fantastic levels, but Adam and I are still having trouble connecting. I need to fill up my time with people and events and he becomes more and more reclusive. Our approach to healing is so very different that I fear that we will not be on the same path before too long. Of course, falling off the path has been my fear for me and Adam since we got married. We are essentially opposite people and there could be a case for the two of us never getting together in the first place, let alone marrying and building a life together.
I wasted most of the morning in bed today. Perhaps I will be able to salvage the rest of the day by completing something other than a book.
My friend, Charlotte, and I have dared one another in to a mini-writing group. We have a week to get something done. This week we gave one another a prompt and we are supposed to be off and running with it. I am, honestly, scared. I haven’t spent much time on my creativity in a while and I was all pumped when we were talking about it, but now I am petrified. My intention is to warm up a bit and crank something out. Wish me luck.
Yesterday was good. Everything seems very double-edged. I was able to visit and talk with Charlotte on some fantastic levels, but Adam and I are still having trouble connecting. I need to fill up my time with people and events and he becomes more and more reclusive. Our approach to healing is so very different that I fear that we will not be on the same path before too long. Of course, falling off the path has been my fear for me and Adam since we got married. We are essentially opposite people and there could be a case for the two of us never getting together in the first place, let alone marrying and building a life together.
I wasted most of the morning in bed today. Perhaps I will be able to salvage the rest of the day by completing something other than a book.
Comments
We were similar---Yishan was more depressed/withdrawn, while I was all about distraction and projects. It'll be OK as long as neither of you tries to force the other to change methods or takes the difference in healing personally (i.e. thinking that the other person is less sad because their method of healing is different). I looked it up, and most marriages actually end up stronger after a tragedy. I think that was true in our case, and I hope it's true for you and Adam as well.
Good for you for writing! I'm proud of you. I hope you post some of your writing online sometime.
Best wishes for healing and peace in the new year.
I was feeling quite sullen so I figured I would read about other lives (gotta love blogger) to pass some dreadful time. Low and behold you:)
I ended up reading over an hours worth of your blogging. No, I'm not some pervert stalker (you can ask my wife... ha:) I simply appreciate honesty as much as I do good writing. You happen to have both.
Long story short, I am experiencing the throes of grief as it drags me to its dark land, and trying to make sense of life after my foundations have been destroyed. Your struggle and the tranparency in which you convey it is refreshing and uplifting, all-be-it difficult at this current time in my life. I just wanted to say, "thanks". I am fortunate to have stumbled upon you and if you don't mind I would enjoy following your blog.
If you care to know more of my details I will definitely share them, but enough said for a comment:)