Not Right
After a few weeks of saving up, Adam and I bought a new rug for the downstairs living room. I think I have even picked out what color I want the walls to be be. Finally. I am trying to put my mark on this place.
We also (finally) switched over our cell phone plan this weekend. We ordered new phones that will be here sometime this week. I am excited. Nervous. We got the phones we have now when I was pregnant with Mazzy. Pink and blue. Because we were breeding and I was the girl and he was the boy.
Mom was out of town this weekend visiting some random guy she met on the Internet. We didn't do anything all weekend. I don't even think I rinsed a dish. Strange. It felt weird. Now I am swept up with guilt. I am going to have to bust my butt to get this house together today.
Mom was up early this morning and wanting to talk. I didn't want to, but I listened to her weekend stories. I just don't care.
Lately it has been like trying to squish myself in to a little peg hole. I don't fit. Life just doesn't fit. Adam and I are ... okay. We are always okay. It is the mystery of the century. We are always okay. No matter what. Lazy people make great partners sometimes. We know that we aren't going anywhere.
I want to wipe everything clean.
Today is seven months. Before too long she will be dead longer than she was alive and that scares the hell out of me. She is just there, in my head, all of the time.
I should do this when there isn't overwhelming emotional drama wafting around my head, but then it would be blank for weeks and weeks.
We also (finally) switched over our cell phone plan this weekend. We ordered new phones that will be here sometime this week. I am excited. Nervous. We got the phones we have now when I was pregnant with Mazzy. Pink and blue. Because we were breeding and I was the girl and he was the boy.
Mom was out of town this weekend visiting some random guy she met on the Internet. We didn't do anything all weekend. I don't even think I rinsed a dish. Strange. It felt weird. Now I am swept up with guilt. I am going to have to bust my butt to get this house together today.
Mom was up early this morning and wanting to talk. I didn't want to, but I listened to her weekend stories. I just don't care.
Lately it has been like trying to squish myself in to a little peg hole. I don't fit. Life just doesn't fit. Adam and I are ... okay. We are always okay. It is the mystery of the century. We are always okay. No matter what. Lazy people make great partners sometimes. We know that we aren't going anywhere.
I want to wipe everything clean.
Today is seven months. Before too long she will be dead longer than she was alive and that scares the hell out of me. She is just there, in my head, all of the time.
I should do this when there isn't overwhelming emotional drama wafting around my head, but then it would be blank for weeks and weeks.
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