Square One

This song gets stuck in a loop in my head. I remember the first time I heard it playing at work, when the CD first came out and I couldn't hear anything else. It was a moment when I realized that I truly loved my husband. I loved my life with him. We had been having trouble, but all of that vanished with that song. Silly, right?

A few months later I won tickets to see Tom Petty live. My mom, his mom, and his step dad got tickets to the same show. They got drunk on the drive in, calling us obsessively, hoping that we would sit with them, but we didn't. We hid. I could see our mothers falling over one another, being ridiculous, and did nothing. It was going to be Mike's problem. Adam and I just sat back and listened to the performance. I only make a point of saying that because, at the time, we took on every one's problems like they were our own. We wanted to save the world.

"Square One" came on. I did the silly girl thing and snuggled up with Adam on the grass, my head fell to his shoulder and I cried a bit. Yes, like a dork. It was one of those things that just stuck with me.

That night was forever ago. It was before we bought the house. It was before we decided to have a child. It was before Wayne died. Before Mazzy died. I am not able to explain how great it is to have a memory that doesn't immediately make me think of my daughter.

So, yeah, it is on a loop. Sometimes it makes me sad, because I take things too literally, but most of the time it makes me think of when I was fearless, ready to take on anything as long as I had Adam at my side. Those are good memories.