There is a lot, go figure...
I can't believe that it has been so long since my last Emo-tacular post. I have been on the computer, but I have spent all of my time searching for fan fiction. I have been drowning in a need to escape lately. Well, and my Internet has been hiccuping. It is annoying when I am trying to post or write or actually connect with anyone online.
Let's see, things that have happened:
First, I went to the Katy Perry concert with Val. We decided to go at the last minute. I was feeling wound up and ready for trouble, but we settled for the concert. It was strange to be there. The audience was so varied. There were little girls and older couples, some Mom's and gay couples. We got stuck behind the tallest people on Earth. I am not even five feet tall, so I wasn't expecting much in the way of a view of the stage, but I did think that I would see in-between shoulders once in a while. I was wrong. I think I saw her twice. It was energy-filled, though, so that was totally worth it. I cried during "HotNCold" because it was one of Mazzy's favorite songs. She would sit in front of the tv and bounce in time with the tune and clap. Jason Mraz was her boyfriend, but Katy Perry was her BFF. Mostly it was just a fun night and I am thrilled to pieces that I was able to spend the time with my bestie, Val.
What else?
Oh, Adam and I got blitzed drunk and I don't remember much of it. The next day was a little like a dirty scavenger hunt, finding clues throughout the house of what we had done. A nearly empty bottle of vodka, my clothes thrown around the living room, a drunken Scrabble game on Facebook, flashes of real memories ... Fun, but we aren't going to be repeating that any time soon.
Also, I had a lovely round of Mojo. Mojo is what we call my ability to sense when someone else is pregnant. It manifests in several ways, increasing in intensity until I find the knocked up person. This time was pretty bad. I was hallucinating baby feet and the smell of baby lotion in my clothes and pillows. I was having dreams. It had been going on a while, but I was just thinking it was my brain processing Mazzy's death. Eventually I was able to find the pregnant woman. It is my former sister-in-law, current drug addict, Stefanie. She is four months along and will be due some time in December/January. She might be trying to reach me, but I have deleted her number from my phone and our house phone doesn't accept messages, so she can't actually call me. I had to find out from my mother-in-law, who didn't want to tell me because she was afraid that I would be upset that Stefanie is having another child when she isn't even allowed to see her other two children.
Yeah, I am upset, but it isn't a big deal. The woman is an idiot and they will take this baby from her the moment it is born, I am sure. It doesn't really effect me directly.
In other news, I have bit the bullet and dealt with kids on my own. I babysat my nearly three month old nephew, Seth, by myself for a while on Friday. Saturday was spent with my niece and nephew, Stefanie's kids, whom I haven't seen since Mazzy got sick. In fact, they were likely the source of illness. They were both sick and my brother-in-law brought them over on Sunday while I was at work. Mazzy started getting sick that Monday. I haven't felt ready to see them. They were the kids that lived here the last few months of Mazzy's life, so there are a lot of memories of her tied with their faces.
Of course, they were a little confused. Lilli is two and a half and she doesn't really understand. She kept asking where my baby was. "Where is your baby, Aunt Chessy? I like her. Go get her."
Phoenix, who is four, would argue with me when I would said that I didn't have a baby. He would point to Mazzy's room and say, "She's in there. You can go get her. I miss her."
So, yeah, rough, but I did okay. I didn't freak out and I only cried after they left. Adam and I sat in her room and smelled her blanket for a while when they left, then we started kicking each other's ass at Wii bowling.
Yes, that is how we are spending our time these days; Wii bowling. Lots of it. We are very competitive. Ha.
I did get that Netflix, thanks to my dear friend, Miss Fae. She got me a month free. After this month is over we are going to keep it because it is everything we thought it would be.
Yesterday we got the check from Mazzy's insurance claim. I think that is the last kick to the stomach we will have to deal with as far as her death. We don't have anymore bills from the hospital. I don't think we will be sucker-punched with anything else, now. Hopefully this means that we can start healing, real healing, not that raw, slightly open wound we have been carrying around with us.
Let's see, things that have happened:
First, I went to the Katy Perry concert with Val. We decided to go at the last minute. I was feeling wound up and ready for trouble, but we settled for the concert. It was strange to be there. The audience was so varied. There were little girls and older couples, some Mom's and gay couples. We got stuck behind the tallest people on Earth. I am not even five feet tall, so I wasn't expecting much in the way of a view of the stage, but I did think that I would see in-between shoulders once in a while. I was wrong. I think I saw her twice. It was energy-filled, though, so that was totally worth it. I cried during "HotNCold" because it was one of Mazzy's favorite songs. She would sit in front of the tv and bounce in time with the tune and clap. Jason Mraz was her boyfriend, but Katy Perry was her BFF. Mostly it was just a fun night and I am thrilled to pieces that I was able to spend the time with my bestie, Val.
What else?
Oh, Adam and I got blitzed drunk and I don't remember much of it. The next day was a little like a dirty scavenger hunt, finding clues throughout the house of what we had done. A nearly empty bottle of vodka, my clothes thrown around the living room, a drunken Scrabble game on Facebook, flashes of real memories ... Fun, but we aren't going to be repeating that any time soon.
Also, I had a lovely round of Mojo. Mojo is what we call my ability to sense when someone else is pregnant. It manifests in several ways, increasing in intensity until I find the knocked up person. This time was pretty bad. I was hallucinating baby feet and the smell of baby lotion in my clothes and pillows. I was having dreams. It had been going on a while, but I was just thinking it was my brain processing Mazzy's death. Eventually I was able to find the pregnant woman. It is my former sister-in-law, current drug addict, Stefanie. She is four months along and will be due some time in December/January. She might be trying to reach me, but I have deleted her number from my phone and our house phone doesn't accept messages, so she can't actually call me. I had to find out from my mother-in-law, who didn't want to tell me because she was afraid that I would be upset that Stefanie is having another child when she isn't even allowed to see her other two children.
Yeah, I am upset, but it isn't a big deal. The woman is an idiot and they will take this baby from her the moment it is born, I am sure. It doesn't really effect me directly.
In other news, I have bit the bullet and dealt with kids on my own. I babysat my nearly three month old nephew, Seth, by myself for a while on Friday. Saturday was spent with my niece and nephew, Stefanie's kids, whom I haven't seen since Mazzy got sick. In fact, they were likely the source of illness. They were both sick and my brother-in-law brought them over on Sunday while I was at work. Mazzy started getting sick that Monday. I haven't felt ready to see them. They were the kids that lived here the last few months of Mazzy's life, so there are a lot of memories of her tied with their faces.
Of course, they were a little confused. Lilli is two and a half and she doesn't really understand. She kept asking where my baby was. "Where is your baby, Aunt Chessy? I like her. Go get her."
Phoenix, who is four, would argue with me when I would said that I didn't have a baby. He would point to Mazzy's room and say, "She's in there. You can go get her. I miss her."
So, yeah, rough, but I did okay. I didn't freak out and I only cried after they left. Adam and I sat in her room and smelled her blanket for a while when they left, then we started kicking each other's ass at Wii bowling.
Yes, that is how we are spending our time these days; Wii bowling. Lots of it. We are very competitive. Ha.
I did get that Netflix, thanks to my dear friend, Miss Fae. She got me a month free. After this month is over we are going to keep it because it is everything we thought it would be.
Yesterday we got the check from Mazzy's insurance claim. I think that is the last kick to the stomach we will have to deal with as far as her death. We don't have anymore bills from the hospital. I don't think we will be sucker-punched with anything else, now. Hopefully this means that we can start healing, real healing, not that raw, slightly open wound we have been carrying around with us.
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