Foggy Facts and the Speculation Monkey

I had my HSG this week. The preliminary report is that I have one working fallopian tube and the other one is pretty heavily blocked. It isn't the official report, we get that on the 21st of this month, but the block is substantial enough that the radiologist, the tech and I could see it from across the room on the tv. I'm on tenterhooks too know what the radiologist finds out once she blows ups the x-rays and really gets to looking at my illuminated girlie parts.

There's not much I can do between now and my next appointment but speculate, but I'm going to try really, really hard not to let my imagination get away from me. All I know is that I have one blocked fallopian tube. I could have had that block my whole life and not even know it. I managed to have one baby, I should be able to have another.

Positive thinking on repeat.

I churned out nearly ten pages fairly quickly earlier this week. I'm just waiting on my beta/editor/freaking super hero to send the corrected pages back to me so that I can post them. I'm nearly done with "Like the Gun" and I'm stupidly proud of myself. The amount I've written since March is astounding to me. I haven't been this hard working since I was in college. There is still room for improvement. Ideally I would like to start taking my writing more seriously and spend dedicated time to it each day. In time, I think, I will be able to do that.

I'm still putting effort in to the book, but it is a bit harder. I have too much invested in the idea of completing the novel that I often hold myself back from being brave.

Right now writing is about being brave for me.

Recently I've come to accept that I've done a lot of changing. Growing. The things that bring me peace and joy have changed, become more simple, and I'm in love with that. I want to find a stillness and let the changes wash over me, but I know that is impossible. I can't rush the evolution of my spirit.

Today was about friendship, love and cupcakes. Tomorrow isn't written and I'm eager to see what it holds for me.

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