This and a bit of nothing
This isn't going to be concise or direct or even have a point today. I tried and tried to think of an entry that I could write and post and there isn't anything going on that denotes an entire entry. Hello mental chaos!
We finally got in for my check-up. It was super quick, but it helped. I don't like the four week gaps in the beginning because there's nothing solid going on with the baby and I'm constantly worried that there is just a dead fetus floating in my womb and I don't know it, yet. Yes, morbid, but I had three miscarriages at different stages of pregnancy when I was younger and it's a valid concern. It is!
I was able to hear the heartbeat and that makes up for the totally confusing information that may, or may not, be the baby moving. I mostly lean toward "not" the baby moving because it's so random and light. By the time I was this far along with Mazzy I'd been feeling movement for weeks and I knew her little Morse code kicks from gas bubbles. This baby isn't as active, so the movements are rarer and more brief. Instead of ten to twenty minutes of "conversation" I might get three, or four, little nudges that might be the baby, but they're gone before I can confirm anything.
I discovered that no matter how much I'm showing, I haven't really gained much weight. I'm at five pounds for the last sixteen weeks. It's normal, but I could've sworn I was bigger. I thought I was at least in the eight to ten pound range. Oh well.
Adam and I aren't bickering, now. We've figured out what was wrong and fixed it. It's the benefit to being married to a person who gets you. I love him. It's mostly that I love the way we deal with things. I feel strong and powerful when we work through something.
I'm a dork.
Valentine's Day is coming up and we don't do anything for it. I used to make little handmade gifts for him, but it seems silly, now. Also, it's impossible to get my hands on materials these days.
(The lack of car thing is bugging me this week, but I know that we can't afford a second car. I'm prepared to wait.)
I've been feeling a bit detached lately. My friends have all been very busy. I'm feeling left out, I guess, but I haven't pushed the issue, either. It is what it is. I'm okay on my own. I do a lot of nothing, but that's okay. There isn't much we could do, now, anyway. I'm just a lazy pregnant lady and they all have things going on.
I haven't been writing. It's frustrating because I know that I have the time, but I don't ever make myself do it. I know that if I just give myself a set time to get work done it would happen smoothly, but I haven't made it happen. My lack of motivation has a lot to do with being tired and taking so much longer to get housework done these days. My priority is wife, then creative pursuits. I don't get much done creatively.
Lately I've been wishing that I was a better cook. I wasn't concerned with it before. I had enough recipes to feed the family and I could even say that they were edible. Maybe they weren't imaginative or skilled, but they served a purpose. My brain is filled with ideas that I could never really execute. I think I understand food better than I used.
Growing up my mom was a bit of a minimalist in the kitchen. She cooked everything in the microwave. If it couldn't be cooked in the microwave, she cooked it on high. Mom wasn't a patient person, she still isn't, and that impatience was most evident in the food she prepared the family. I would watch her and I had no interest in food.
It's funny, and stupid, but I can't help but think that if Mom had paid better attention to meals that I wouldn't have found it so easy to become anorexic. I didn't mind not eating because there wasn't anything that appealed to me at home. I could eat three bites of everything and be done. Or less.
I think about having to lose weight after this baby and I'm a bit horrified. I love food, now, and I don't know how I'm going to manage. No worries, I can't do anything until I'm done breastfeeding anyway.
We have an official date for finding out the sex of the baby. March 9th. After that we can finally start addressing the kid by its name. What a wonderful feeling. Now I just have to wait a month.......
It's nearly lunchtime. I warned you there wouldn't be anything important in this thing. Have a lovely day.
We finally got in for my check-up. It was super quick, but it helped. I don't like the four week gaps in the beginning because there's nothing solid going on with the baby and I'm constantly worried that there is just a dead fetus floating in my womb and I don't know it, yet. Yes, morbid, but I had three miscarriages at different stages of pregnancy when I was younger and it's a valid concern. It is!
I was able to hear the heartbeat and that makes up for the totally confusing information that may, or may not, be the baby moving. I mostly lean toward "not" the baby moving because it's so random and light. By the time I was this far along with Mazzy I'd been feeling movement for weeks and I knew her little Morse code kicks from gas bubbles. This baby isn't as active, so the movements are rarer and more brief. Instead of ten to twenty minutes of "conversation" I might get three, or four, little nudges that might be the baby, but they're gone before I can confirm anything.
I discovered that no matter how much I'm showing, I haven't really gained much weight. I'm at five pounds for the last sixteen weeks. It's normal, but I could've sworn I was bigger. I thought I was at least in the eight to ten pound range. Oh well.
Adam and I aren't bickering, now. We've figured out what was wrong and fixed it. It's the benefit to being married to a person who gets you. I love him. It's mostly that I love the way we deal with things. I feel strong and powerful when we work through something.
I'm a dork.
Valentine's Day is coming up and we don't do anything for it. I used to make little handmade gifts for him, but it seems silly, now. Also, it's impossible to get my hands on materials these days.
(The lack of car thing is bugging me this week, but I know that we can't afford a second car. I'm prepared to wait.)
I've been feeling a bit detached lately. My friends have all been very busy. I'm feeling left out, I guess, but I haven't pushed the issue, either. It is what it is. I'm okay on my own. I do a lot of nothing, but that's okay. There isn't much we could do, now, anyway. I'm just a lazy pregnant lady and they all have things going on.
I haven't been writing. It's frustrating because I know that I have the time, but I don't ever make myself do it. I know that if I just give myself a set time to get work done it would happen smoothly, but I haven't made it happen. My lack of motivation has a lot to do with being tired and taking so much longer to get housework done these days. My priority is wife, then creative pursuits. I don't get much done creatively.
Lately I've been wishing that I was a better cook. I wasn't concerned with it before. I had enough recipes to feed the family and I could even say that they were edible. Maybe they weren't imaginative or skilled, but they served a purpose. My brain is filled with ideas that I could never really execute. I think I understand food better than I used.
Growing up my mom was a bit of a minimalist in the kitchen. She cooked everything in the microwave. If it couldn't be cooked in the microwave, she cooked it on high. Mom wasn't a patient person, she still isn't, and that impatience was most evident in the food she prepared the family. I would watch her and I had no interest in food.
It's funny, and stupid, but I can't help but think that if Mom had paid better attention to meals that I wouldn't have found it so easy to become anorexic. I didn't mind not eating because there wasn't anything that appealed to me at home. I could eat three bites of everything and be done. Or less.
I think about having to lose weight after this baby and I'm a bit horrified. I love food, now, and I don't know how I'm going to manage. No worries, I can't do anything until I'm done breastfeeding anyway.
We have an official date for finding out the sex of the baby. March 9th. After that we can finally start addressing the kid by its name. What a wonderful feeling. Now I just have to wait a month.......
It's nearly lunchtime. I warned you there wouldn't be anything important in this thing. Have a lovely day.
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