Sometimes I write love letters

Parenting has finally turned around. I got my oversupply issue under control. Finally. This means that Nora's temperament is adjusting because of it. I'm reluctant to say "improving" because there was nothing wrong with her before, but it's kind of the best word for the situation. She's sleeping, smiling, eating every two to two and a half hours and sleeping long stretches at night. I'm managing to feel capable of taking care of Nora with confidence and love and that's amazing.

I've been so unsure of my ability as a mother. I've second-guessed everything because, once upon a time, I was foolish and I lost my child. (Guilt never seems to go away, does it?) These past months have been harder than I was able to vocalize. Adam's seen it; I know that he has because he's stepped in so many times to take Nora from me. My stress level has been high and I've been almost unwilling to let her out of my sight. I don't think it's been unhealthy, but I know it's not the kind of parent I want to be.

I'm making plans, like going to a Baby Shower/Welcome Home Party for a friends baby that was born prematurely. I was too afraid of being out in public and being judged for my failure by people. Dumb, right? I'm over that, now. I'm ready to hit the party and shop for bridesmaid dresses for Jenn's wedding in December.

Ah, so she's sleeping better, but not today, it would seem. She's starting to get up. Again. She's barely slept today and I'm a bit strained. I know that she's miserable. Poor thing.