Way to make me paranoid, Adam
It would seem that I've been way to laid back about Mom going to court, according to Adam. He has these ideas of consequences that never occurred to me that will directly impact our life. I have no idea if their is any validity in what he believes, I just know that he's very convincing.
He seems to be concerned that if Mom is convicted we're going to be on the line for some of this. See, Mom told the court she pays rent here (totally untrue, but no one was with her to stop her from lying). Adam believes that if she's convicted and they feel the money she earned at the illegal gambling hall needs to be paid/seized/whatever, then they will look to her assets.
Now, technically she has no assets, but she did say that she pays for the residence here. Since we don't actually own this house, we're paying off a loan, Adam fears that they will try and take the house because her money (supposedly) went in to its purchase/maintenance/etc.
We know that we will be able to fight that because, in fact, she's never put a dime in to this house. Our bank records will show that she's never written a check for anything. Seriously. She's never paid us for a single thing, not even the phone line we had installed in her room at her request. We paid for that for years before we finally just cut it off. We simply don't want the hassle.
Adam seems rather convinced of these dark and dire consequences and it's making my tummy flip and dip in an unpleasant way.
My only concern was that if Mom was convicted it would nullify her disability and we'd be stuck with her forever and ever. She reassures me that a misdemeanor wouldn't be reason enough for them to suspend her benefits. I've tried to research it, but I haven't found an answer that satisfies me. It's the drawback of knowing that Mom is a big, fat liar and I can't allow myself to take her at her word. I need proof.
It's the whole situation. I know that she says that no one else has gone to jail and that they'll basically plead her down and she'll pay some fees and have a bit of probation, but how do I know that she's telling the truth, or that she won't screw this up?
I had a better grasp on this until Adam started freaking out because Mom, for the first time in her entire life, was going to pay back money for the doctor's visit we paid for yesterday. I let her write a check and handed it to Adam only to have a flood of angry whispering come at me. He started in about not wanting any financial ties and then he explained why and just like that I became freaked out.
This morning he was encouraging me to start researching things on line and get all of this information for him so that he's prepared for tomorrow. (He's taking Mom to court.) Having a level-headed husband who occasionally goes overboard is a little disconcerting. I want to scream, "Hey, baby, I'm the crazy one in this relationship. You don't get to freak out about stupid shit. That's my job!"
Adam has also let it slip that he has (let's call it) "A Plan" for Mom. I'm using the term loosely because I have the perception that it more closely resembles a Gut Reaction on a delayed timer. It would seem that my mild-mannered, uber-patient spouse has quietly been fermenting rage since Mom's arrest in January. After we know what's really going down with her charges tomorrow he's going to put down The Stompy Boot of Death. (Last seen in November of 2007).
I'm not entirely sure what this means. If I take him at face value he's going to tell Mom, on the ride home from court, that she's not welcome in the house and she has 24 hours to get out. I have to admit, I'm completely unwilling to accept that this is how it's going to go down. It's just so out of character for Adam.
Every time I've questioned him about it, though, he's seemed to have the same, or similar, response. His idea is that he's going to orchestrate this Exit Strategy and that he'll run interference between me and Mom from now until the end of time. He wants me to cut ties with her, block her number, keep her from the baby, all of it. It's this really incomprehensible response to what is basically just .... Mom. I don't see the justification for this extreme of a response.
In the past, yes, I did do this sort of All Out Cutting of Ties, but that was after she'd held me at gunpoint and had spent the previous five years constantly attempting suicide (for attention, IMO) and I was exhausted. I could see the benefit in being away from someone so obviously destructive. Mom's recent behavior is crap and I want distance, but I'm willing to take the mature steps of slowly building walls and boundaries. I don't want to hurt her because she's who she is and I'm not equipped to handle her, but Adam doesn't see it that way.
He has an entirely different view of how my relationship with my Mom harms me and, in turn, the baby. In his mind he's the Super Hero who will rescue us all from this toxic woman who does nothing but torture me. It seems so testosterone laden that I have a hard time believing this is coming from Adam at all. He's never be one to feel like I need to be "rescued." In fact, most of the time, he's very confident in my ability to be the Bad Guy and save us all.
Just not this time.
I suppose a better person would warn Mom and let her know that there's potential for a lot of bad in her future, but I'm honestly not sure it's warranted, yet. He may calm down, right? If I get her worked up and it's all for naught, then I will have caused unnecessary drama in the house and that would suck. I will just have to get through today and hope for the best.
This is one case where supporting your partner is tricky. Wish me luck.
He seems to be concerned that if Mom is convicted we're going to be on the line for some of this. See, Mom told the court she pays rent here (totally untrue, but no one was with her to stop her from lying). Adam believes that if she's convicted and they feel the money she earned at the illegal gambling hall needs to be paid/seized/whatever, then they will look to her assets.
Now, technically she has no assets, but she did say that she pays for the residence here. Since we don't actually own this house, we're paying off a loan, Adam fears that they will try and take the house because her money (supposedly) went in to its purchase/maintenance/etc.
We know that we will be able to fight that because, in fact, she's never put a dime in to this house. Our bank records will show that she's never written a check for anything. Seriously. She's never paid us for a single thing, not even the phone line we had installed in her room at her request. We paid for that for years before we finally just cut it off. We simply don't want the hassle.
Adam seems rather convinced of these dark and dire consequences and it's making my tummy flip and dip in an unpleasant way.
My only concern was that if Mom was convicted it would nullify her disability and we'd be stuck with her forever and ever. She reassures me that a misdemeanor wouldn't be reason enough for them to suspend her benefits. I've tried to research it, but I haven't found an answer that satisfies me. It's the drawback of knowing that Mom is a big, fat liar and I can't allow myself to take her at her word. I need proof.
It's the whole situation. I know that she says that no one else has gone to jail and that they'll basically plead her down and she'll pay some fees and have a bit of probation, but how do I know that she's telling the truth, or that she won't screw this up?
I had a better grasp on this until Adam started freaking out because Mom, for the first time in her entire life, was going to pay back money for the doctor's visit we paid for yesterday. I let her write a check and handed it to Adam only to have a flood of angry whispering come at me. He started in about not wanting any financial ties and then he explained why and just like that I became freaked out.
This morning he was encouraging me to start researching things on line and get all of this information for him so that he's prepared for tomorrow. (He's taking Mom to court.) Having a level-headed husband who occasionally goes overboard is a little disconcerting. I want to scream, "Hey, baby, I'm the crazy one in this relationship. You don't get to freak out about stupid shit. That's my job!"
Adam has also let it slip that he has (let's call it) "A Plan" for Mom. I'm using the term loosely because I have the perception that it more closely resembles a Gut Reaction on a delayed timer. It would seem that my mild-mannered, uber-patient spouse has quietly been fermenting rage since Mom's arrest in January. After we know what's really going down with her charges tomorrow he's going to put down The Stompy Boot of Death. (Last seen in November of 2007).
I'm not entirely sure what this means. If I take him at face value he's going to tell Mom, on the ride home from court, that she's not welcome in the house and she has 24 hours to get out. I have to admit, I'm completely unwilling to accept that this is how it's going to go down. It's just so out of character for Adam.
Every time I've questioned him about it, though, he's seemed to have the same, or similar, response. His idea is that he's going to orchestrate this Exit Strategy and that he'll run interference between me and Mom from now until the end of time. He wants me to cut ties with her, block her number, keep her from the baby, all of it. It's this really incomprehensible response to what is basically just .... Mom. I don't see the justification for this extreme of a response.
In the past, yes, I did do this sort of All Out Cutting of Ties, but that was after she'd held me at gunpoint and had spent the previous five years constantly attempting suicide (for attention, IMO) and I was exhausted. I could see the benefit in being away from someone so obviously destructive. Mom's recent behavior is crap and I want distance, but I'm willing to take the mature steps of slowly building walls and boundaries. I don't want to hurt her because she's who she is and I'm not equipped to handle her, but Adam doesn't see it that way.
He has an entirely different view of how my relationship with my Mom harms me and, in turn, the baby. In his mind he's the Super Hero who will rescue us all from this toxic woman who does nothing but torture me. It seems so testosterone laden that I have a hard time believing this is coming from Adam at all. He's never be one to feel like I need to be "rescued." In fact, most of the time, he's very confident in my ability to be the Bad Guy and save us all.
Just not this time.
I suppose a better person would warn Mom and let her know that there's potential for a lot of bad in her future, but I'm honestly not sure it's warranted, yet. He may calm down, right? If I get her worked up and it's all for naught, then I will have caused unnecessary drama in the house and that would suck. I will just have to get through today and hope for the best.
This is one case where supporting your partner is tricky. Wish me luck.
Comments