Confessions

I've spent a lot of time in my head in the last twenty-four hours. I've been trying to work out exactly what's bothering me lately.

Sure, we're broke and I still don't have a car and all of that, but on the other side of that Adam and I are communicating better than ever and Nora is healthy, vibrant and alive. No complaints. Why am I still a mess?

Then it came to me; I'm ashamed of my life. Which it's totally dumb because I'm happy and I wouldn't change a thing, but the more my friends accomplish, the less valid I feel I'm being treated.

That being  said, I want to clarify that I know that my friends love me and they have never said anything directly. I guess I'm projecting my perception of myself onto them. It doesn't change the way I feel; it just let's them off the hook.

What to do about it? That's where I am, now; trying to figure out how to feel like I'm worth respect. What can I change, or improve, to heal this crazy place I call a head?

I used to blame it in Adam, who can take me for granted, but he's been really great about appreciating me. So it's obviously a "me" problem.

Nora woke up an hour early, so I'm back on Mom duty. We're going to watch General Hospital together. I just sat down and I'm not letting this break go.