Fish out of water
My entries have been sketchy as of late, and they will probably remain that way for a while. My sturdy laptop has decided that running hot is not the way to go and has quit. Well, technically it just yells at me every time that I turn in on, telling me that I have a cooling system error and my baby needs to go in the hospital, but I can't afford to do that, leaving me the option of writing on Adam's computer. I hate it. I don't like his two screen setup or the click of his keys, or his stupid chair. We are working out a deal where I get a new computer, but it is going to take time. I will have to sit back and wait for permission to use Adam's monstrosity. Like now.
I have multiple good days in a row, indicating that I am heading out of the stupidly dramatic self-pitying stage of grief. I didn't like being that way. It isn't my nature to wallow and fester. I fix and move on. In this case, with nothing to fix, I am just pushing forward.
I am getting in to Dollhouse, and would really like to post something specifically about that show, but I think it would take more time than I have right now to flush out, so I will say that (maybe) there will be something on it in the future. I am hearing all kinds of mixed things and I want there to be something positive out there. Good buzz. Even if it is just here.
Twitter has been saving my life. It is a constant reminder that the world went on while I on pause. If you miss me on here, definitely follow me on Twitter. I find it far easier to text random comments than wait for Adam to walk away from his computer.
Friday night was amazing. I had a two person party with Val. We watched soaps, drank, watched Dollhouse, drank, and then had the most fun sining-a-long to Mama Mia! We were singing at the top of our lungs until about one in the morning, until we both snuggled in to my bed, leaving Adam to fend for himself on the couch. I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time. I love how comfortable I am with her. We have a chick flick friendship, complete with booze and comfort food. I rarely find friendships like that that last. Women tend to be too jealous, in my opinion.
I have finally gotten to the place where I can go in to Mazzy's room and talk to her without crying. I am able to retain the things that I loved about her, without the gut-punchy feeling that went along with it.
I went back and read my personal journals for the last year. I was totally blown away by her love of life. I know that everything is new and beautiful for a baby, but watching that lust and joy for something like our boring life was an inspiration. I want that to be a lesson from Mazzy that I take with me. She was stronger than I am any day of the week. Nothing phased her for very long. She would pick herself up and try again without tears or drama. If she wanted something, she made it happen and all without words. How can you not admire that?
Since my computer is kaput, I am not doing much writing. I am aggravated because the story I was working on was finally getting somewhere and I would love to tweak it a bit, but I can't access it from here. Poo. And I have the fancy new printer that is just sitting, useless, on the milk crate next to my desk.
Last week marked the first week in almost a month where a random customer didn't vent their frustration out on me. I was so happy I nearly peed myself. I did a happy dance and everything. Every milestone in life should have a happy dance.
There are ton of things coming up in the Real World. I have Mom's health stuff lining up, Samantha's baby shower, two weddings, a 50th birthday celebration, and a retirement party that all require my presence. Awesome. Later, like after June, there is another wedding and other stuff. Somewhere in all of this I have to come up with something to celebrate our 5th year wedding anniversary. That's right, Adam and I will bee married five years in April. I just have to make sure that we don't have sex on our anniversary. (Mazzy was conceived on our third wedding anniversary. Ha.)
Wow. A whole entry about nothing....Can you tell that I am feeling better?
I have multiple good days in a row, indicating that I am heading out of the stupidly dramatic self-pitying stage of grief. I didn't like being that way. It isn't my nature to wallow and fester. I fix and move on. In this case, with nothing to fix, I am just pushing forward.
I am getting in to Dollhouse, and would really like to post something specifically about that show, but I think it would take more time than I have right now to flush out, so I will say that (maybe) there will be something on it in the future. I am hearing all kinds of mixed things and I want there to be something positive out there. Good buzz. Even if it is just here.
Twitter has been saving my life. It is a constant reminder that the world went on while I on pause. If you miss me on here, definitely follow me on Twitter. I find it far easier to text random comments than wait for Adam to walk away from his computer.
Friday night was amazing. I had a two person party with Val. We watched soaps, drank, watched Dollhouse, drank, and then had the most fun sining-a-long to Mama Mia! We were singing at the top of our lungs until about one in the morning, until we both snuggled in to my bed, leaving Adam to fend for himself on the couch. I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time. I love how comfortable I am with her. We have a chick flick friendship, complete with booze and comfort food. I rarely find friendships like that that last. Women tend to be too jealous, in my opinion.
I have finally gotten to the place where I can go in to Mazzy's room and talk to her without crying. I am able to retain the things that I loved about her, without the gut-punchy feeling that went along with it.
I went back and read my personal journals for the last year. I was totally blown away by her love of life. I know that everything is new and beautiful for a baby, but watching that lust and joy for something like our boring life was an inspiration. I want that to be a lesson from Mazzy that I take with me. She was stronger than I am any day of the week. Nothing phased her for very long. She would pick herself up and try again without tears or drama. If she wanted something, she made it happen and all without words. How can you not admire that?
Since my computer is kaput, I am not doing much writing. I am aggravated because the story I was working on was finally getting somewhere and I would love to tweak it a bit, but I can't access it from here. Poo. And I have the fancy new printer that is just sitting, useless, on the milk crate next to my desk.
Last week marked the first week in almost a month where a random customer didn't vent their frustration out on me. I was so happy I nearly peed myself. I did a happy dance and everything. Every milestone in life should have a happy dance.
There are ton of things coming up in the Real World. I have Mom's health stuff lining up, Samantha's baby shower, two weddings, a 50th birthday celebration, and a retirement party that all require my presence. Awesome. Later, like after June, there is another wedding and other stuff. Somewhere in all of this I have to come up with something to celebrate our 5th year wedding anniversary. That's right, Adam and I will bee married five years in April. I just have to make sure that we don't have sex on our anniversary. (Mazzy was conceived on our third wedding anniversary. Ha.)
Wow. A whole entry about nothing....Can you tell that I am feeling better?
Comments
I know I use that word WAY TOO much, but I can't help it. I love you so much. Chick flick friendship - I love how that sums it up. I feel the same way - you are so wonderful that sometimes it's hard to believe it's real and not scripted. Thank you for everything you are. Thank you for everything you do. I'd be lost without you.
BFF - everyone else can suck it. LOL
Sometimes when I write about Beebs and I think about you I feel like an asshole. It feels so unfair.
We will have been married 5 years this year too! woo!
What day is your anniversary?
Pom - Never be mean to yourself because you love your daughter. It is your experience to be her mother, to value her and to wallow is the awesome that is your Beebs. I am not even going to pretend to be jealous or think it is unfair. You are a cyber-person that has generously shared yourself with me. I think it is neat that I still get to be a vicarious participant in your life, and your Beebs.
Our anniversary is April 19th. Five of the most intensely aggravating and heart-stoppingly humbling years of my life. When is your anniversary? Are you going to do something awesome?
xoxo