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Little by little I'm chipping away at my own negativity. It's a complicated process because the healing spirit is so sensitive and delicate. And I am most definitely healing.
I have faith in myself for the first time in a long time. Decades, maybe? I usually spend so much time talking about what I want to do that I never do anything. And I loathe that about myself.
It's not that I don't think that I can do things, I'm surprisingly arrogant, but I don't place myself above the other people in my life. Everyone else has bigger, better dreams. More talent. More education. More important things to say, or do. Sometimes it's just a matter of thinking that it's not my time and I should just wait.
I can do what I want after Wayne is dead.
After my mom is gone.
Once Nora's weaned.
Oh, but Adam is working so much these days, it's best if I make coming home as pleasant as possible.
The list goes on and on.....
And, maybe, through accepting that about myself, instead of trying to fight my own nature, I should attempt to work with this part of myself. Focus on accurate Time Management Skills and try to do everything I can to make life run smoothly and still do things to enrich my experience. Otherwise I'll suffocate.
That's where I'm at right now. Trying to make this whole thing work. Because waiting is not good for the soul. I have accepted that waiting for Adam to tell me it's the right time will never happen because, as much as that man may love me, he loves not having to lift a finger, or inconvenience himself, more.
I have faith in myself for the first time in a long time. Decades, maybe? I usually spend so much time talking about what I want to do that I never do anything. And I loathe that about myself.
It's not that I don't think that I can do things, I'm surprisingly arrogant, but I don't place myself above the other people in my life. Everyone else has bigger, better dreams. More talent. More education. More important things to say, or do. Sometimes it's just a matter of thinking that it's not my time and I should just wait.
I can do what I want after Wayne is dead.
After my mom is gone.
Once Nora's weaned.
Oh, but Adam is working so much these days, it's best if I make coming home as pleasant as possible.
The list goes on and on.....
And, maybe, through accepting that about myself, instead of trying to fight my own nature, I should attempt to work with this part of myself. Focus on accurate Time Management Skills and try to do everything I can to make life run smoothly and still do things to enrich my experience. Otherwise I'll suffocate.
That's where I'm at right now. Trying to make this whole thing work. Because waiting is not good for the soul. I have accepted that waiting for Adam to tell me it's the right time will never happen because, as much as that man may love me, he loves not having to lift a finger, or inconvenience himself, more.
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