In Little Boxes
It has been a complicated weekend.
I had to take Mom to the emergency room Friday night. I am old hat at emergency room visits because of Wayne and because Mom has a bad heart, but this has nothing to do with her heart, so it felt a little scarier. She wasn't talking, not even to complain, which was absolutely terrifying. My mom is a serious talker. I get it from her, and even now I can tell that Mazzy will follow suit.
The ER people were amazing. I feel that I can say that with authority and without bias for the particular event because I have dealt with ER workers several times before and often you sacrifice efficiency for personality or personality vanishes completely so that they can be the best they can be. Friday night's staff was a perfect blend of both and I am so grateful.
Mom is still in the hospital. She has diverticulitis, which perforated and now she is semi-septic fighting to clean up the infection so that they can operate. At this point is quite likely that she will be in the hospital another eight days. They have to keep her on fluids because she cannot eat. From what I understand, which is little, the food ends up in the wrong place, outside of her bowels, and that makes the infection worse.
Of course they are running a million tests, throwing out possibilities and worst case scenarios, but it aggravates me. I don't want them scaring Mom, but it is too late. I think I have managed to reassure her that there is nothing to fear until there is something to fear, but it seems so stupid. My whole life my Mom has worried about dying from two things: a heart attack or cancer. She survived her first two heart attacks, so now she thinks that cancer is going to get her. This is her second scare. The first was nearly two years ago when they had to test for breast cancer. She is nervous about her odds.
This stay in the hospital is harder on me because I have to divide my attention between Mazzy and Mom and I feel they both really need me. I give everything I can to both of them and hope that it is enough. I make it a point of being 100% with whomever I am with at the time. I do my best. Compartmentalizing where the need is most prevalent is all I can do right now and be happy with my performance.
Meanwhile, Adam is struggling with his brother. Erick has been rather needy this weekend. Adam has wanted to be there for him, but with only one vehicle in the family, we have both had to sacrifice some support.
It has been a while since this sort of thing has happened, where Adam and I had to put our energy in to people outside of our immediate family, and I was a little nervous we wouldn't have our mad skills anymore. We got through this weekend remarkablely well. We even have a plan to get us through this week.
I had to take Mom to the emergency room Friday night. I am old hat at emergency room visits because of Wayne and because Mom has a bad heart, but this has nothing to do with her heart, so it felt a little scarier. She wasn't talking, not even to complain, which was absolutely terrifying. My mom is a serious talker. I get it from her, and even now I can tell that Mazzy will follow suit.
The ER people were amazing. I feel that I can say that with authority and without bias for the particular event because I have dealt with ER workers several times before and often you sacrifice efficiency for personality or personality vanishes completely so that they can be the best they can be. Friday night's staff was a perfect blend of both and I am so grateful.
Mom is still in the hospital. She has diverticulitis, which perforated and now she is semi-septic fighting to clean up the infection so that they can operate. At this point is quite likely that she will be in the hospital another eight days. They have to keep her on fluids because she cannot eat. From what I understand, which is little, the food ends up in the wrong place, outside of her bowels, and that makes the infection worse.
Of course they are running a million tests, throwing out possibilities and worst case scenarios, but it aggravates me. I don't want them scaring Mom, but it is too late. I think I have managed to reassure her that there is nothing to fear until there is something to fear, but it seems so stupid. My whole life my Mom has worried about dying from two things: a heart attack or cancer. She survived her first two heart attacks, so now she thinks that cancer is going to get her. This is her second scare. The first was nearly two years ago when they had to test for breast cancer. She is nervous about her odds.
This stay in the hospital is harder on me because I have to divide my attention between Mazzy and Mom and I feel they both really need me. I give everything I can to both of them and hope that it is enough. I make it a point of being 100% with whomever I am with at the time. I do my best. Compartmentalizing where the need is most prevalent is all I can do right now and be happy with my performance.
Meanwhile, Adam is struggling with his brother. Erick has been rather needy this weekend. Adam has wanted to be there for him, but with only one vehicle in the family, we have both had to sacrifice some support.
It has been a while since this sort of thing has happened, where Adam and I had to put our energy in to people outside of our immediate family, and I was a little nervous we wouldn't have our mad skills anymore. We got through this weekend remarkablely well. We even have a plan to get us through this week.
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