Voice
It occured to me recently that when I sit to write these things, I struggle to be honest and to speak in my true voice. There is a subtle difference in the way I express my opinions and describe my life here versus how I am in my life. I want to be completely open, but I also want to be witty and perceptive and it is that aspect I find to be a little stifling. It is as if I am becoming the idea of who I am, rather than just who I am.
Leaving that train of thought I caught another one: How honest can I and will I be with my daughter? I know that there are certain things that she probably shouldn't be privy to, like if we are struggling with money or if I think Daddy is cheating, but what about my honest opinion about movies, or her friends? How much should I hold back so that she can develop on her own opinions and personality? I still want her to feel like she knows me, but where is the line?
I often wonder about the concept of 'how much is too much' in a relationship, any relationship. I was a little too open when I was younger in some desperate attempt to form bonds with people because I hated to be alone. I am able to hold back, now, because I have that closeness with my husband, friends and, most importantly, with myself.
I find myself filtering what I say to her, even now, and I wonder if I am alone. Is it unusual to fear rejection from my child, even at this age? I worry that I am giving her 'too much, too fast' of my personality. Will she overload on all this Mom-ness?
Am I thinking too much?
Probably.
Leaving that train of thought I caught another one: How honest can I and will I be with my daughter? I know that there are certain things that she probably shouldn't be privy to, like if we are struggling with money or if I think Daddy is cheating, but what about my honest opinion about movies, or her friends? How much should I hold back so that she can develop on her own opinions and personality? I still want her to feel like she knows me, but where is the line?
I often wonder about the concept of 'how much is too much' in a relationship, any relationship. I was a little too open when I was younger in some desperate attempt to form bonds with people because I hated to be alone. I am able to hold back, now, because I have that closeness with my husband, friends and, most importantly, with myself.
I find myself filtering what I say to her, even now, and I wonder if I am alone. Is it unusual to fear rejection from my child, even at this age? I worry that I am giving her 'too much, too fast' of my personality. Will she overload on all this Mom-ness?
Am I thinking too much?
Probably.
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