It's all prep work, if you ask me....

Remember my positive report from my last doctor's appointment? Yeah, me too, and I miss it already. Okay, sure, I'm being a little dramatic. Yesterday's visit wasn't that bad, but it still frustrates me when I have bumps in the baby-making process. I really, really want to be normal and boring.

I'll start by saying that all of this hoopla may be over nothing. If you ever wonder what the benefit of having a single mediocre doctor versus a group of excellent doctors what happened yesterday is a perfect reason. My usual doctor was out of the office (again, but who's counting) so we were bumped over to the Nurse Practioner; Ms. Trish. She's an older lady that we've dealt with before and while competent, she rubbed me the wrong way the first time. Yesterday was no different.

We're originally told by the nurse assistant that I don't have to get “checked”; which is code for a borderline sexual experience while my husband watches, and it will be a quick heartbeat update and a bit of Q&A for my chart. Awesome, right?

Well, that changed and I'm was told that I was going to be checked and “as a precaution” they are going to do the preterm labor test, again. Fine. I was cool with that.

A few minutes later I was flashing the squirrel and making awkward jokes, because that's what I do, and I mentioned that I was a tight 1cm the last time Dr. Plummer checked me, since Ms. Trish is not privy to the usual workings of my cervix. And I'm “helpful” dammit.

I'm going to take a moment to complain about this middle section. Ms. Trish made a point of telling me that she hadn't performed the preterm labor test in a while and proceeded to ask me if the only swab she needs to take is from my vagina/cervix/baby chute. Grrreeeaattt.....way to inspire confidence. Also, lady, I'm naked from the waist down and I really have to pee – hurry up. The actual process of the test took FOREVER and I'm not just saying that because I'm impatient or anything. She wasn't set up and had one thing inserted while she looked for the other thing, leaving me all open and probed while she looked for stuff. Um, thanks?

Okay, so she finally gets that done and we're back to the business of checking my cervix. At this point Ms. Trish did something I hate for people with their hands in my vagina to do and that's talk out loud about what they find in my business. She also shifted position and got a grip on my kid so that she could get a better feel for my internal workings. Awkward. (I happened to look over at Adam during this and he was HORRIFIED. He can't stand anyone using the belly as leverage.)

What I learned from her less-than-internal dialogue was that, in her opinion, I was, at best a “loose 1cm, but probably a 2cm” and that my cervix was soft, but long. She said that the baby was “high enough” but she was going to call my doctor and ask her what to do.

Um......great?

Adam I sat in the room and bantered while we waited. Unfortunately the office has super thin walls and after a moment I heard Ms. Trish on the phone with Dr. Plummer. From that conversation I learn that I am, in fact, 2cm and at least 50% effaced and the Nora is at 0 station.

Ms. Trish comes back and tells me that Dr. Plummer told me to take things easy and I'll have to see her in a week. (I'm annoyed at this point that what she's telling me and what she tells my doctor aren't the same thing. I want facts people.)

My thing is if she was already performing the preterm labor test, why bother my doctor at all? I mean, really? Sure, there was some change and I can see the need for the test (grudgingly) but unless I was missing my entire mucus plug (it was loose) and at least 3cm or something, what else was going to be done? I haven't been having regular contractions or anything. There's no immediate evidence of preterm labor at this time. My body just likes to plan ahead; like me. It wasn't like I was going to be hospitalized. I was going to be put on modified bed rest no matter what......

I don't like reactionary health care providers. I'm reactionary enough. I'll do all of the panicking you could ask for as long as you remain level-headed. Well, and the reason I like Dr. Plummer is that she figured out that I'm very easily rattled and the stress makes everything worse, she sort of keeps things low-key. Ms. Trish doesn't know that about me. Eh, I guess it worked out because I didn't freak out this time; I got mad, which is, frankly, better. Adam didn't freak out this time and we went to dinner.

At some point today I'm hoping for a phone call telling me the results of the stupid test. Or not? See, they didn't handle that part of it very well. I guess I'm just not supposed to do any walking? I'm not couch bound, but I have to take it easy until I see Dr. Plummer next Friday. The sad thing is if I just had one set of fingers in my vagina (maybe) all of this could be avoided. Checking dilation isn't an exact science and as long as the same person is doing the measuring each time you can get a fairly accurate reading for what's going on with your body. Having multiple fingers means differing opinions with what's going on inside where no one can see anyway. I wouldn't be surprised at all if when Dr. Plummer goes poking around in there on Friday she tells me that she doesn't feel any change at all.