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I have guilt. I have guilt because I don't really have guilt over something that I did this weekend. (Makes sense, right?)

Sunday Adam and I drove out to Mike and Reba's for the annual June Birthday Bash. Every year we get together and have grilled food out by the lake. It's a great time to bond with the family and sort of celebrate summer. Adam's family only gets together in a big way a couple times a year, so we actually look forward to these things.

The only drawback is that Reba always invites my mom. Mom then spends the entire time complaining about EVERYTHING and alienating the family members, especially anyone under the age of forty. Mom will insult and abuse me, making everyone uncomfortable. (Or maybe I'm the only one uncomfortable but it's worth mentioning.) In the last year, or so, Mom has managed to branch out and attack Adam's family, too. I've been reduced to trying to explain her behavior, or smooth ruffled feathers on her behalf, instead of actually enjoying myself. By the end of the day, which is always long, I'm exhausted and emotionally battered. Adam and I spend the hour-long drive home in silence while Mom rehashes every slight she feels she suffered at the hands of Adam's family.

I bet you'd love to be in my place.

I know that Reba means well by inviting my mom to family events, but I've decided that I don't have to take her to every event. I shouldn't have to inflict my mother on my husband's family. They're my family, too, and I don't want to lose them because she can't keep her mouth shut.

Unfortunately I made that decision after Reba had invited Mom to this year's June celebration. I didn't have a dignified way to retract the invitation, so I took the coward's way out. I turned my phone on silent and left it in the car so that I wouldn't be tempted to check the voice mail all day. Yes, this makes me a really bad person, and an even worse daughter, but it was the best family gathering I'd been to (sober) in years.

Having the entire day without the tether of my mother's emotional manipulation was fantastic. I played with the kids - actually played - chatted with my sisters-in-law, took pictures and snacked like a champ. It was a completely different experience for me. I'm so grateful for it.

Sure, the whole thing blew up in my face when I got home and checked the voice mail messages and heard the increasingly crazy crap Mom was leaving for me, but I'm going to still consider this a win. I know that she was going for a guilt trip, but all she did was convince me that she's going to have to stop expecting me to be at her beck and call. (In case you think I'm completely heartless, I did call and give her some story about leaving my phone at the tire shop the day before after her third sobbing message begging me to call her because she was convinced that I was sick, or dying, or having the baby and just not telling her.)

It might have been a cowardly move to avoid Mom like that, but I was able to come up with some basic boundaries that I want to implement to improve the relationship, such as it is, between me and my mother. I only have a few more weeks to have a game plan before Nora is here and I'm too distracted to create a viable course of action. If I don't have a plan I'll be reacting entirely on knee-jerk emotional cues and, trust me, that's not the way to handle things. My instinct always tells me to lock Mom up, for instance, and that can't be the only way to handle things.

I managed to hurt Mom's feelings (I guess) and she hasn't called all week. I know, it's only been a couple of days, but Mom is ridiculously needy and going more than forty-eight hours without a phone call is practically a miracle. I hope she stays mad for another week. I need the break.